the presence of God...

i normally don't rely on God for much... i normally pretend that i don't believe in Him... i normally give myself credit for what i do and blame myself for whatever negativity comes my way...

so i guess it's time for the abnormal... i feel a little greedy for asking for guidance only in the time of need... i never bothered thanking God for the normalcy that was once my life... so why should He help me when i ask?... i'm just an ungrateful person who desperately wants something to depend on...

so if there is a God, i hope He hears my prayers and helps me understand the events that have happened and the events that will unfold in the future...

i wouldn't call myself a religious person... but during these times i ask myself why certain things happen... which leads me to the belief that God intends for all things to happen... and only later will He reveal why...

maybe famine, terrorism, suicides, abortions are God's way of downsizing the population... even though the bible goes against it, God does work in mysterious ways... perhaps God intended for all the madness to occur to promote wellness later on...

i guess i'll never understand what religion is about or what faith is... but for the mean time, when i'm desperate for something to hold onto, i will grab onto prayer and hope God listens to some things i have to say...

i told you vampires were real...

every single year i embellish stories about vampires... some of which i have read about, others i make up...

so i stumbled across this documentary and i found it to be uncomfortably fascinating...

while i'm scared of every single thing that exists in this world, possessing almost every phobia, i still want to explore how all these alleged myths were created...

i started the part one video of the documentary "interview with an ex-vampire"... after about twenty minutes, i realized that i couldn't watch it by myself... i started to feel my back grow hot and eventually itch uncomfortably...

on days when i am a skeptic, i would just think of it as an illusion i created for myself... everything that happens to our body is an outcome of what we believe is happening... basically, we have the mental capability to make anything happen... if i think that something weird should be happening to me, then something weird will happen to me... even if nothing physically odd happens, the brain will create the illusion that something is occurring...

so for the 3 minutes following this awkward initial sensation, i tried convincing myself that this was all part of my imagination... about 4 minutes into it, i still felt the tingling... while all this was happening, the video was still playing... at around 27 minutes into the documentary, i decided that it was all i could take and i X-ed out of the window...

the duration of the video that i watched included stories of the events that the so-called "ex-vampire" experienced or witnessed... there was one story about how they summoned a ghost out of her stage of peace... and ever since then, the place was haunted... that's when i thought... what if my watching this video was my sub-conscience and curiosity crying out for strange things to happen?... that was my reason to stop watching the video... i do not want anything weird to happen to me... with my imagination, i'd never be able to fall asleep...

there was another part of the documentary where he talked about witchcraft and magick... which made me ask myself... is any of this stuff believable?... are psychics real?... are ghosts real?... are witches real?... but that led me to my previously stated fear... witnessing the unusual... if i seriously ask these questions, would that mean i'm drawing these random spirits closer to me?...

it's strange how i'm creeping myself out... i don't believe any of this stuff... but at the same time, i don't NOT believe any of this stuff either...

watch it... and then tell me about it... cuz i can't watch this by myself...

the entire documentary is 9hrs long... this is the first installment...



thank you and good night....

time waster...

so after reading some blogs i thought maybe i had the cleverness and ingenuity of making my own...

after further contemplation... i came to the conclusion that i lacked both and this would simply provide as a time waster...

whatever amusement i get, or the reader gets, out of it is completely coincidental...

thank you...